Archive for the 'Personal stuff' Category

Cranking…

Posted by seoulfully on April 27th, 2011

So earlier this week Merlin Mann published a long, insightful, awesome, self-reflective, [insert more platitudes here] essay titled “Cranking.”

Go read it. Seriously. Go read it now.

I’ll do it a huge injustice and say it was about a lot of things, but a lot about priorities. He talks about his father and his daughter and how these things play into his process right now. I think the piece is yeoman’s work.

At the risk of being on the wrong side of the piece and its message, there was one bit that really struck a chord for me:

In fact, a depressing amount of the time–really up until this week–I would do my job until I hadn’t the slightest idea what time it was or what bullshit I was typing or what my crank was ever meant to be attached to in the first place.

But, even when my shitty little crank was not attached to anything, I did keep cranking. Because, Dads do their job. It’s what they do.

They crank. They crank and crank and crank and crank.

The emphasis is added. That’s me. Not me as in “I emphasized that bit,” but me as in my mindset. See, I can hate a lot of things about whatever I do, but all it has to be is a means of providing for my family. And not even so much my immediate family (although that is the most direct need), but my family in a larger sense. I don’t mean my extended family, rather, I think about it generationally.

I’m a second generation American. And while I’m not a raging success, by almost any account, I made good on my parents’ wishes when they came to this country: a better life. By those measures, I’ve (and my sister) have taken our family to that next step. So what I do in my life is all about providing. Providing my family now a life. But also providing my family generationally another wrung on the ladder to climb up.

So I crank.

And I think that’s the job. I’m not presently a father, but I relate to that bit of writing my Merlin Mann, at least that part about Dads doing their job. I relate to the rest of it and am inspired by it, but more than anything else, I recognize that I just crank. And while it can feel soul-crushing at times, I do it with a purpose that lets me keep at it, almost in the face of logic.

This is a poorly conceived post, but I’m putting it up anyway. I hope I can keep revisiting and revising it to make it something worthwhile, but I just needed something out there because Merlin Mann’s piece really spoke to me on a few levels.

Go read it now. Seriously.

What’s valuable

Posted by seoulfully on February 19th, 2011

So, things have changed around me a little. Life throwing sort of curveballs. But it’s good. Changes begets change. Hopefully for the better.

“The Beatles were trying to be the Everly Brothers, and they couldn’t quite pull it off. Elvis really wanted to sound like Dean Martin. But, you know, by failing …” He stops and starts again. “You have an image in your head of this iconic person. For me, it might have been Johnny Carson, where you grow up with him, and you think, ‘Well, that’s who I need to be’ — to realize that feeling I had when I was 8, sitting in my parents’ house and watching him. And then things happen, and you think, ‘Oh, my God, I didn’t — that fell apart.’ But it’s the failure to be that person or to completely follow through on what he did that leads you to something that’s much better.”
– Conan O’Brien (http://tech.fortune.cnn.com/2011/02/10/conan-2-0/)

So hopefully what I thought, that’s no longer, leads to something different and better.

This also ties into something else I’ve been thinking about lately. What’s valuable to me? Granted, until very recently, I was thinking about this in more superficial terms, such as “is watching tv that valuable to me? Are there other things I want to do that I’m sacrificing for television?” Not everything I want to do or actually do can be valuable to me. So I think it’s time for some reflection on choices.

This is rambling and I’m not going to edit it. Just had some thoughts and wanted to get back to blogging. Perhaps this post would be better if I was better at typing on my iPad. Maybe.

My Twitter Psych Profile

Posted by seoulfully on June 16th, 2009

From TweetPysch

TweetPsych uses two linguistic analysis algorithms (RID and LIWC) to build a psychological profile of a person based on the content of their tweets.

Link to my profile in case you don’t want to read it below.

Cognitive Content

FeatureDescriptionScore
Present tense109.76
Self reference44.17
Time42.64
Senses27.84
Swear23.32
Sports17.1
Negative emotions15.1
Similes12.43
Future tense9.77
Upward motionYou often make references to physically upward movement. Like upstairs, climb, etc.6.47
Certainty5.87
Money5.7
Occupation & workYou talk a lot about your job and your work. You’re probably a workaholic to whom professional achievement is very important.5.54

Primordial, Conceptual and Emotional Content

  1. Oral fixation
  2. Constructive behaviors
  3. Temporal References
  4. Abstract thought
  5. Order
  6. Affection
  7. Moral imperative
  8. Aggression
  9. Visual sensations
  10. Hard sensations
  11. Sexual fixation
  12. Restraint

middle third

Posted by seoulfully on February 25th, 2009

Alright, so I turned 30 today. So I guess it’s time to start a “new life.”

entering the 4th decade

Like many people that means I’m vowing to get into shape! Haha, the lovely wifey got me this yoga bible of sorts. So in addition to some kind of daily exercise, I think I’ll start the yoga soon.

happy birthday

Get it here: “Light on Yoga: The Bible of Modern Yoga…” (B. K. S. Iyengar)

800 Days – Galbi Tacos

Posted by seoulfully on February 21st, 2009

So in Korea apparently they do anniversary dates (when you’re dating) by 100 day intervals, rather than months or years or whatever (though I suppose people also expect one year celebrations as well). So even though I’m married now (and as far as I’m concerned, only yearly celebrations for that), I’m keeping up with the 100 days things through 1000 and then I’m done with it.

Anyways, so sometimes it’s gifts, sometimes it’s trips, sometimes it’s dinner. It happened to be dinner this time around. I saw a link to Kogi BBQ (via @sidneylo) and wanted to eat some. Now seeing as it’s thousands of miles away, I thought I’d do what I could to replicate it at home.

I should say, I’m pretty much against Asian fusion cooking as it seems to be a fancy way of saying “I’ll do whatever the hell I want and say it’s Asian fusion” and more often than not, it’s rather disappointing. The only real “fusion” food I’ve ever loved in this world is Tex-Mex. As I’m originally from Texas I love Tex-Mex. I’m Korean and love Korean food (what a revelation I know). In the past I’ve done basic kind of mix of these two cuisines just because I’m lazy and was a bachelor. It mostly consisted of cooking bulgogi and tossing in a few spoonfuls of salsa for a little twist.

So anyways, @sidneylo put up the link and I watched this video:

Visit page on mun2

I checked out their site and saw their tacos. Here’s a Skitch with their description of the taco:

Korean Short Ribs | Kogi

A mouth-watering image. So I went about making it myself and here’s the result:

Galbi burrito

The only thing I didn’t make from their description was the garnish. I can’t say it tastes the same or better (or worse for that matter) as I’ve never had Kogi’s food (hell it’s a TACO TRUCK, you have to follow on Twitter here or here to even know where to find the taco truck), but I thought it was good, and more importantly the wife thought it was good.

800 days

This has not been edited at all

Posted by seoulfully on January 31st, 2009

This is not a transcript. Not really. Part of some pages I wrote for my “book” idea. I got zero done on this project during NaNoWriMo.

——————

i dont know what it is. maybe it’s that i’m 26 now and starting to think about this stuff, but i am dissatisfied with my life. and not with the quality of life or the things i do, but i’m tired of not caring at all about things. i miss a level or degree of passion or vitality in my life. i know i’m not alone in this. i would venture to say a huge majority of people feel this way in some respects.

VERY TRUE. HONESTLY HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT? AND EVEN THOSE PEOPLE, HOW MANY OF THEM ACTUALLY GET TO GO OUT AND DO IT? WHETHER FOR A LIVING OR EVEN JUST A HOBBY?

i know i know. but i envy those people. people who find something they even care about a little. i mean, these people are inspiring and disheartening in the same breath to me. inspiring, for obvious reasons like they know what they want and they do it. disheartening because i can’t even fathom having that. i bet this is why, you know other than my thirst for knowledge and natural curiosity, that i delve so deeply into things that i do. it also probably explains why those curiosities dissolve rather quickly. like random music i’m into. or researching electronics. or anything. i get heavy into it and then it fades.

BUT YOU CAN’T TAKE THAT AS A SIGN THAT YOU AREN’T PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING. MAYBE A PARTICULAR GENRE OF MUSIC ISN’T YOUR THING, BUT YOU STILL ENJOY MUSIC.

but i’m not passionate about it. it’s not something that i want. well i mean other than to listen to. but that probably has more to do with social isolation than anything else. by the way, i read a blurb about some town in austrailia banning ipods because they cause social isolation because kids sit there and listen to them and don’t interact with each other. there are obvious counterpoints, such as kids interact to see what they are listening to, see what they have on their ipods, etc. but i’m definitely in the social isolation camp. i listen to my pod so much when i’m out so i don’t have to listen to the rest of the world.

YEAH, BUT MOST OF THAT HAS TO DO WITH IMPATIENCE FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD, BECAUSE, WELL YOU KNOW, SO MUCH OF THE REST OF THE WORLD IS STUPID. CAN NEVER UNDERESTIMATE HOW STUPID PEOPLE CAN BE. AND NO BETTER WAY TO TUNE THAT OUT THAN TO LISTEN TO YOUR OWN TUNES AND DISCONNECT FROM THE IDIOCY.

haha, disconnect. very true. but i have other issues about disconnecting. and that’s a whole other conversation. and who knows if that conversation will ever be had. because, let’s be honest, do i ever really talk about my issues? well at least directly? no.

OKAY, BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND THEN. PASSION IN LIFE. YOU ARE A BIG FAN OF MOVIES. WHY IS THAT NOT A PASSION IN YOUR LIFE? BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO MAKE THEM? ENJOYING SOMETHING A LOT AT LEAST IS ON TRACK WITH BEING PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING. YOU EVEN SAID IT COULD BE A HOBBY. SO WHY DOESN’T GOING TO THE MOVIES TO SEE THIS MEDIA YOU ENJOY QUALIFY?

because at the end of the day i could do without it. i mean, ha, i pretty much do without it now. yes, i love movies. yes, i know about a lot of random movies, though admittedly not as much as i’d prefer. but do i go to movies? not really. i don’t know when the last time i went to the movies. and there are always movies i want to see that i never get around to watching. how is that a passion thing. i mean it was easy when i had a girlfriend, because that relationship, in a big way, took care of feeling passionate about something. is it a substitute? perhaps, but nothing wrong with being passionate about somebody instead of something. i think that’s a good basis for a long-term serious relationship. or you know, being a stalker or something.

WELL NOT TO BE HARSH, BUT JOIN THE CLUB. YOU SAID IT YOURSELF. HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY CARE ABOUT AND CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? HARDLY ANYONE COMING OUT OF COLLEGE GRADUATES AND THEN FINDS A JOB DOING WHAT THEY LOVE. I MEAN AT THE END OF THE DAY, THIS IS AN EPIDEMIC OF APATHY OF SORTS. THIS IS WHY, MORE THAN EVER BEFORE, PEOPLE ARE CHANGING CAREERS AND ALL THAT. I MEAN OUTSIDE OF FEW PROFESSIONS, AND THEY’RE NOT EVEN IMMUNE, HOW MUCH DO YOU HEAR ABOUT SOMEONE GIVING IT ALL UP FOR THEIR DREAM OF BECOMING, I DON’T KNOW, LIKE AN ORGANIC FARMER OR SOMETHING RANDOM LIKE THAT. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THEY WANT. EVERYONE IS SEARCHING FOR THAT THING TO GIVE THEM SOME MEANING OR SOMETHING TO BE PASSIONATE ABOUT. I’M NOT SAYING THAT THIS DIMINISHES YOUR FEELINGS ON THIS, BUT IT’S SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS.

i know. but i just feel like i dont have anything right now. i mean it’s unbelievable to me how blase i am about everything. and it’s to the point where it’s almost to my own detriment. chalk it up to senioritis or something, but i dont care about school. i dont care particularly all that much about my job. i dont really care that much for my chosen profession. and i dont know why this bothers me, because my whole life i’ve said i wouldn’t have a problem with working in a soul-sucking job that paid well to be able to provide for myself and/or my family in a manner that i thought was necessary. so if i’m willing to do that when i have to, why does it bother me that i dont care about anything now?

WELL I SUPPOSE IF YOU ARE WILLING TO WORK A CRAP JOB THAT PAYS FOR YOUR LIFESTYLE SO TO SPEAK FOR YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FAMILY IS WHAT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT AND WILLING TO SACRIFICE FOR.

i dont know. i just feel like time is passing me by. maybe it’s because i’ve been in school so long and not “out there” on my own fully. but i just feel like every day i’m missing something. not necessarily missing out, though i feel that way too some days, but just that my life is missing some crucial element. or that i lack that thing, whatever it is, necessary to go out and start a life. and that what’s holding me back from it, isnt necessarily school, though that’s a convenient excuse.

Here’s what I tweeted on 2008-10-31:

Posted by seoulfully on October 31st, 2008
  • put 6gb of ram in your mbp http://tinyurl.com/6jwhxj #
  • out for delivery #
  • deciding what to do tonight. just hit a bar and have some cocktails or to georgetown to ppl watch. also monty has to show his costume off #
  • @peterrojas @ryanblock enjoying the ambient live sounds in gdgt. pr4 (i think) and kettle boiling (perhaps bottle for pr4) so far #
  • the wife currently uses a macbook, but i think maybe next year i’ll get her a netbook to take to school when she needs a machine #
  • on a related note, come on apple, release a netbook (or hackintosh, perhaps here i come) #
  • @myzuk of monty? tomorrow there’ll be some up. #
  • just as i got my AT&T bill email, i realized i forgot to pay last month’s (due a week ago) bill. sucks #
  • @gdgt is talking about a $600 12″ netbook that sounds a lot like my old beloved (fave machine ever) 12″ PB G4 #
  • last night i was browsing the pottery barn catalog, saw their use of older apples, going to miss white computers a little tbh #
  • @myzuk haha, that’s a secret til tonight. #
  • flickr down? #
  • @danbenjamin woot! new TTS? good stuff. and i guess happy birthday? #
  • i really hope netflix on tivo is HD, since the supported boxes are all HD boxes. it would make me keep my netflix (even without mac support) #
  • (mac support yet i wanted to say before i ran out of characters) #
  • via @lifehacker, suggestions for what you like based on what you like http://www.tastekid.com/ it’s not bad #
  • @danbenjamin @gruber this might’ve been the most “traditional” end to a talk show ever #
  • via @37signals blog, who doesn’t want this if you have a baby: http://davengrace.com/dave/babymop.html #
  • shameful http://tinyurl.com/69rp2o #
  • i dont understand how the touchscreen voting booths are so bad. ATMs aren’t that bad, use them! #
  • @holycool awesome, my first tweet: http://myfirsttweet.com/1st/seoulfully look how far i’ve come hahaahahahh #
  • @holycool really, who really uses twitter? it’ll NEVER take off.. HAHAHAHAHAAHA #
  • @LindsayG your first tweet decidedly cooler than my foolish disbelief in twitter. how much do i twitter at work now?! SO MUCH! haha #
  • @jsnell i’m committed but scared i don’t have 50k words out of my idea. #
  • @jsnell well my novel idea (no pun intended) is to write nothing but dialog. But I’m giving it the old college try! #
  • @ryanblock excellent, and for some reason hilarious, avatar #
  • http://is.gd/5mm1 yeah palin, calling you on the BS is TOTALLY abridging your First Amendment rights. unbelieveable #
  • Swag… [is] so confident it doesn’t even need an extra syllable… – bethlehem shoald #
  • oops shoals not shoald #
  • @holygod is there a devil? and if so, can you have him follow my tweets too? thanks #
  • a scant 10 months later, my foray into plastic and the consumer world ends. alum/pro fo life #
  • i’m never scared when i go to haunted houses bc i expect there to be something jumping out at me at every turn. #
  • plus i’m usually plotting how best to act scared as a justification for punching whoever jumped out at me in the face for fun #
  • you can use migrate assistant between two macs vis USB2.0 or ethernet right? #
  • @myzuk what the f for? #
  • Wow fear factor marathon on MTV. Ha. #
  • I hadn’t heard til now but the jack white Alicia keys 007 song is meh #
  • Finally got my crossover serial #

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Here’s what I tweeted on 2008-10-30:

Posted by seoulfully on October 30th, 2008
  • @peterrojas yes, he clearly has the money to afford HD cams or hell just rent some REDs #
  • @ayn you have no idea how close i am to placing order (wife isn’t against it) #
  • @ayn maybe i buy and sell a macbook #
  • @ayn what bin price? #
  • barack show was a little underwhelming if you’ve been following hte campaign, but i guess not meant for those #
  • ordered…. #
  • @sidneylo if by ultimate you mean the 2.8ghz monster no, the lowly 2.4. i’m not a baller like you guys (you, @ayn, etc) #
  • @KPB not what you hoped as in not met your expectations or the meal was different (taste, ingredients, etc) than you thought #
  • i HATE making ebay listings #
  • @ryanblock nice, i hope it’s in HD (all the tivo boxes listed in annoucement are). oh and the tivo.com/netflix isn’t up yet, ha #
  • btw, i’m sure tweeted out last night, but i was underwhelmed by obama show. as a follower didn’t seem like much, if any new stuff #
  • but the obama special certainly did an excellent job of putting him and his ideas out there for those “undecideds” #
  • http://is.gd/5dp5 – the last dragon remake? i don’t know how i feel about this. i love that movie. intrigued and scared at the same time #
  • i’m not skinny and i dont want to be insensitive, but i honestly don’t understand: http://is.gd/5dq7 #
  • “i’m not voting against mccain, i’m voting for obama” not quite the sentiment the mccain camp is pushing http://is.gd/588o #
  • exxon posts record breaking 3q net profits. RIDICS #
  • Lesser of two evils: jacked up fingernails or a jacked up jaw from chewing gum so much? #
  • 1password license is 50% off today #
  • @iamshimone @ayn might be more help, but browser integration for one. both are great, 1 is free 1 is not. #
  • @sidneylo i feel your genius bar pain. fuck them for realz #
  • @sidneylo awesome sid. after my iphone issues, fuck the genius bar forever. #
  • @ayn really, wtf are you doing? i haven’t had growl crash ever, granted you use your machine like 23948230984x more than i do mine #
  • so per @slashfilm the weirdo guitar hero/risky business ad was directed by ratner. and as they point out what a comparison to fincher’s nike #
  • @iamshimone wow, the difference in your and my iphone apple store experiences are worlds apart. haha, i even went to 2 diff stores too! #

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Here’s what I tweeted on 2008-10-29:

Posted by seoulfully on October 29th, 2008
  • i want to do nanowrimo in either textmate or pages. any suggestions for which? (i don’t want to use word for whatever reason) #
  • Does greg oden have a Dominican birth certificate? No way he’s not 44. He looks older than lebron. #
  • @DCTenor1 that sucks man. Did the partner already bail? #
  • No joke I really want sham-wow. “you know the Germans always make good stuff.” #
  • just put down a small bag of reece’s pieces. )= #
  • Ah phlegm and nasal congestion. The joys of dairy in my lunch #
  • @jsnell but you are 100% correct #
  • @LindsayG monday or thurs #
  • @KPB FF is so incredibly good. the bacon “bits” are HUGE as are portions. #
  • @gruber could he expect conformity from a maverick?!?! she out mavericked the maverick #
  • wife just confused $49M with 49M korean won (in 1995 exchange rate) #
  • fuck, my two close friends just got mbps and both are bellweathers for my purchases #
  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #

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Here’s what I tweeted on 2008-10-28:

Posted by seoulfully on October 28th, 2008
  • that was really annoying my master password for 1password was wrong (i guess my note was an old one) and i had to reset and start anew #
  • ugh, some nasty idiot ak vp bot following me on twitter. #
  • @ayn yeah, i’m not limited beta either. i will reup nf when they do mac AND they stock adequate amounts of blurays. #
  • @greggrunberg if it’s really going to get better i guess i’ll give it a few more eps, i am this close to not watching anymore #
  • via @huffpo http://www.whatwecouldhavedonewiththemoney.com/ – spend the iraq war coffers on other things #
  • trying writing a tweet from within wordpress just bc i can i suppose #
  • to combat the lack of music on tv perhaps, mtv now has a hulu-ish music vid site http://www.mtvmusic.com/ (via @nymag) #
  • well officially signed up for nanowrimo. wish me luck #
  • via @slashfood ocean friendly sushi http://www.blueocean.org/ #
  • http://tinyurl.com/2pveqp i got 13/15 #
  • i distrust anyone who writes “blue ray” rather than “bluray” or “blu-ray” #
  • @closetcaucus today might be the last day i went out sans scarf. walking to the metro to go to work in the AM is bit more than brisk #
  • “And although it seems heaven sent We ain’t ready, to see a black President, uhh” tupac in 1998. 10 years later on the cusp #
  • basketball tonight!!! this is my favorite time of year, football and basketball! #

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